


tell me why are we so blind to see, that the ones we hurt are you and me?

by calthighway



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Angst, Crime, First Kiss, M/M, Not much gangsters though, Soft Ben, just ben falling in love, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-10 09:36:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19903609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calthighway/pseuds/calthighway
Summary: Ben was a pretty boy, the kind that would have you at your knees with just a smile. He was also trained to kill, and looking pretty wasn’t on the cards then.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> my little brain intended to make this a one shot, but i must admit i was losing the will to live so the next part is just kind of a ‘what happened next’ type of thing. 
> 
> i know nothing about gang culture, so i apologise in advance. feedback is always appreciated :)

_A smile will get you pretty far… but a smile with a gun will get you further – AI Capone_

  
Ben was a pretty boy, the kind that would have you at your knees with just a smile. He was also trained to kill, and looking pretty wasn’t on the cards then.

He knew he had his childhood to thank for the way he was now. All hard exterior, venom in his veins, brick wall firmly built around him. Nobody could get close, nobody ever would.

He’d made a name for himself. He was openly gay and leader of London’s biggest gang. People who didn’t know him wanted to keep it that way, and people who did know him, wished they didn’t. Especially the ones who had stupidly crossed Ben, or caused trouble for anyone he kind of… _liked_ and even then it was with disdain.

Stuart Highway might possibly have been one of the stupidest ‘gangsters’ Ben had faced. He was all wide eyed and angry looking, that’s why Ben was more dangerous. You would look at him, and think he was just your average Joe. You wouldn’t dare to think that he’d be carrying a gun around with him under one of his many coats and jackets.

They knew of each other, it was hard not to. Both of them thought they were possibly one of the most dangerous men in London. One was correct, one was real and living. The other was nothing but a baddy from a Disney film, a pantomime act.

They’d cross paths rarely, but when they did it would end in a bust up. Stuart wanting everyone to know who was the hard man around here, the one who dealt the cards. Ben would often laugh at him, mock him in a way that would make Stuart’s face turn a dark shade of red and his hands ball into fists.

This time, Ben wasn’t willing to let Stuart think he had it all. Especially when Stuart gets one of his measly sidekicks to beat up his brother, Jay. There’s his weakness, the one person he’s always respected and had his back for. Clearly, Stuart knew that and acted upon it. That’s why he was beyond stupid, beyond saving.

Ben was out to kill.

**

Jay had been in a coma for two weeks now and Ben had visited every day. He’d sit by his side, telling him he’d get payback for him, that he would handle everything, he just needed time.

He wasn’t aware of any family members who’d miss him, so that wasn’t anything to worry about and it played to his advantage. He had to think about himself, how he was going to go about things.

He’d hurt plenty of people, used fists and weapons. That wasn’t an issue either, he wanted to see Stuart suffer, just the way Jay had.

But despite what he told people, and what people assumed about him, he had never actually killed anyone and he never thought he’d be enraged so much to want to without a second thought about the consequences. It secretly excited and scared him in equal measure.

**  
A few days later and Jay wakes from his coma. The doctor tells him that he’s very lucky there’s no lasting damage.

Ben squeezes his hand, so happy to see him with eyes open and a weak smile on his face. “I’m going to hurt Stuart for this,” Ben confesses quietly. “He won’t get away with it.”

Jay shakes his head gingery, lifts the oxygen mask off his face to speak. “Don’t go doing anything stupid, Ben.”

“He’s gone too far,” Ben’s anger rises. “Going through ya to get to me was the biggest mistake of his life.”

Jay just closed his eyes, he knew little he said would make Ben change his mind.

**  
Ben gets Keegan to watch Stuart’s whereabouts for the next week. Where he goes, what time he leaves his house and returns, who he meets.

It turns out he doesn’t much leave his house other than to go into his local pub. Ben’s not surprised, he knew he didn’t have family and definitely didn’t have friends. He only had people do things for him because they knew he’d hurt them with no hesitation.

Ben plans to do it on Friday night, he’s sure he’ll go to that local pub and leave just around closing time. The streets will be quiet, he’s mapped the alley ways and short cuts to his house. He’ll sit and wait it out.

He pays Keegan, gives him a pat on the back and Keegan’s eyes light up at the rolled up fifty pound notes.

“Don’t go splashing the cash out either,” Ben warns. “Don’t go mentioning my name either, got it?”

Keegan nods, only bothered now about the money in his firm grip. “Whatever you want, mate.”

It’s just turned 22:30, and Ben knows he hasn’t got long to wait now. He leans up against the wall of the alley, thankful for no street lights close by, he’s in sheer darkness, just enough light from further up the road to let him know when somebody’s around. His eyes are firmly on Stuart’s house, and he’s half tempted to rush over and brick all his windows, but he holds back. Ending Stuart’s life is what he’s come for, and that’s what he’ll stick to.

The gun in his leather jacket adds a weight to him he’s not used to. He’s had a gun on him before, an unloaded gun because obviously he didn’t intend to use, only to scare. Now, it feels like gold, like he’s holding the world in his hands.

A group of drunken people walk by, and he stands back further into the darkness. He breaths a sigh of relief when they obviously don’t suspect a thing. Why would they, anyway?

It’s gone 23:30 before Stuart’s passing to get to his place and Ben perks up, his gloved hand going into his jacket to retrieve the gun. He’s so ready to raise his arms and aim for the back of his head, but then someone’s running up behind him, shouting his name.

“Stuart, just wait a minute, please!”

 _Shit._ Ben steps back, watching to see as much a he can. He can make out the other guy is a lot younger, taller and he sounds exasperated.

_Who the fuck is he?_

Ben punches the wall facing him when the other man follows Stuart into his house.

**  
The next day he’s demanding Keegan for answers, takes his money back and holds back from punching him.

“Let me try again,” Keegan pleads. “It’s not my fault.”

Ben knows it’s not his fault, he knows he’s never failed him before. They’ve done drug trafficking, theft, you name it, but this was different.

“Just go,” Ben says. “I’ll call ya if I need ya.”

“Can I at least have a bit of the money back,” Keegan asks bravely, arms wide.

Ben looks up at him, eyes wide and he laughs. He sighs before throwing him back a quarter of what he’d given before. “Now piss off before I change my mind.” 

“Thanks boss,” Keegan picks the notes up off the ground. He clears his throat. “Sorry, and I hope ya get the bastard somehow.”

“Don’t worry. I will.” He replies, mostly to himself.

**  
Jay comes out of hospital a few days later, and he stays with Ben in his apartment. They’ve not really spoke about Stuart, Jay wanting to move on from it, and Ben still thinking of how he’s going to kill him.

Jay groans as he sits down, his body still aching and it’s enough to set Ben’s teeth on edge. The fact he’s still hurting because of the hands of Stuart and his weasels.

“I’m fine,” Jay looks up at him, can see the look behind Ben’s eyes. “They wouldn’t have let me home if I wasn’t.”

“I’m still allowed to worry,” Ben reasons. “You’re my bro,” Ben smiles. He pulls at his bottom lip before saying. “If they’d have killed ya I don’t-“

“Ben, stop it.” Jay warns him. “I want to move on, so should you.”

Ben does want to move on. Just not with Stuart living and breathing. Instead of saying anything back, he just nods his head, lets himself fake a smile.

“I’ll stick the kettle on,” Ben turns the tv on and places Jay’s bag down before heading into the kitchen.

Ben’s not used to doing things alone, especially crime. He’s got people behind him, people who trust him and know their place. It brings him power, makes him feel stronger.

Now, for the first time, he’s going to have to go it alone. He’s going to have to trust himself, be his own power and strength.

There’s still a pit of rage deep inside him that he knows won’t leave until Stuart’s gone. He won’t listen to the other half of him that’s telling him to listen to Jay, the sensible side.

He just doesn’t have it in him.

**  
That night he waits until Jay’s fallen asleep, it doesn’t take long and he’s out of the apartment for 20:00. He heads for the local Stuart drinks in, no real plan behind him at this point, he just wants it over with.

He counts his lucky stars, Stuart’s drinking near the rear exit of the bar. Ben watches him, it feels like hours until he moves, he wants to pull the gun out and pull the trigger now. Wants to wipe the smarmy grin that falls to his lips when he spots Ben.

He makes Ben feel sick, and that takes a lot since they’re both the same in many ways. Ben calms himself down, sits on a stool and orders a whiskey.

“I wouldn’t serve him, if I were you,” Stuart pipes up, loud enough so everyone can hear. “Ya don’t know where he’s been.”

The disgust on Stuart’s face makes Ben smirk. He knew he was homophobic, just another reason why he hated him so much. But he blanked him, turned back towards the barmaid and asked as sweetly as he could for his drink again.

“Don’t your type have your own bars to go to?” Stuart kept on, thinking he had the upper hand once again. Ben just rolled his eyes, hand flat against his chest, hand close over the firearm, settling him and making him remember that he had the power in this situation.

“He’s a paying customer,” the barmaid said quietly, clearly aware of Stuart’s behaviour and who he was. “He’s got every right to be here.”

Ben smiled proudly at her, _good for you_ , he thought. He handed over the money and told her to keep the change.

Stuart looked on in obvious disgust and surprise that for once in his life, somebody didn’t listen to him, that someone didn’t care about who he was.

Ben knew he had to keep a clear head, but he knocked the first shot back with ease, maybe to steady his nerves, but Ben didn’t do nerves, so he didn’t think too much about it. He took his time with his second drink, Stuart’s beady eyes on him the whole time. Ben took pleasure in annoying him, and added fuel to the fire by winking over at him.

It worked so easily that Ben couldn’t hide his laugh. Stuart shot up, charging towards Ben like a bull in a china shop, knocking over his stool in the process. “Get out!” Stuart barked, face in Ben’s.

“Only if ya promise me a good time,” Ben teased up at him, not phased in the slightest.

“I don’t want any trouble guys,” the lady warned, voice firmer than before.

Ben held his hands up, “I’m just having a quiet drink darlin’.” Ben swilled the brown liquid in his glass before taking a drink. “Maybe ya should do the same,” Ben looked up at Stuart, darkness building behind his eyes. “Lover boy.”

Stuart grabbed a hold of Ben, his fists in his shirt and pinned him up against the bar. “Ya make me sick,” Stuart bared his teeth. “You know what I’m capable of,” Stuart’s voice lowered, clearly talking about Jay. “Don’t make it be you next.”

Ben raised his eyebrows, hoping the image of finding Jay bloodied and unconscious now in his mind didn’t shine through. He took a deep breath, placing his hands over Stuart’s and moving them until they made contact with the steel and metal under his clothing. He saw the flash of fear cross Stuart’s eyes, and he grinned evilly up at him. “I think I’m safe,” Ben swallowed. “I’d be more worried about yourself sunshine.”

“What’s going on?” A voice close by broke between them. “Stuart?”

Stuart let go, but without giving Ben a firm shove into the wall. Ben’s eyes danced between them, he recognised the guy from the night Ben planned on ending Stuart’s rather pointless existence.

Ben’s eyes lingered on him for longer, he was all plump lips, soft blue eyes and gelled hair.

“You’ll never change,” the guy said sadly. “Why won’t ya ever listen to me?”

Ben grimaced. “I think your boyfriend here is a little upset.” Ben eyed him up and down, “didn’t think he’d be your type.”

“I swear, if ya don’t shut your dirty mouth-“ Stuart snapped, fists balled up again, ready to fight.

“Why don’t you just shut up, Stuart?” The guy huffed, tears in his eyes. “Always looking for a fight when it’s not worth it.”

“Ya should listen to ya twink here,” Ben nodded. “He’s right, you’re going to get seriously hurt one of these days.”

“You can shut up, too,” the man aimed at Ben, swallowing. “I’m his brother, not his… boyfriend.”

 _His brother_? Fuck. It shouldn’t really change things, but Ben was sure Stuart had no family, nobody who would miss him, but his brother clearly cared about him if the tears in his eyes were anything to go by.

“Who are you anyway?” He asks, eyes falling on Ben.

“Let’s just go,” Stuart pulls at Callum’s jumper. “We’ll talk at mine.”

“Ben Mitchell,” Ben leans up off the wall, offering out his hand to shake. 

The other mans eyes widen, clearly knows who he is, knows the stories and knows he’s dangerous. He steps back a little, shock over taking him and he doesn’t know what to do for a while other than to stare. “Stuart, what are you playing at?” Arms flapping wide, “he could kill ya!”

“Wouldn’t that be fun?” Ben smirks, eyes falling down to his chest for a second before looking back up at Stuart.

“Please, we don’t want any trouble. Do we Stuart?”

“Callum, he-“

Callum. A name to the face. A name he wants to test on his own tongue.

“Callum,” Ben says slowly. “If your brother promises to behave, then so shall I.”

There’s a long silence, Callum shoving at his brother to answer. Stuart just rolls his eyes, looks at the ground and nods. “Whatever.”

It seems Stuart has a weakness, too. His baby brother.

Ben watches them leave, Callum behind his brother like a bodyguard and when he turns back to look at Ben, he can’t help but wink and notice the way a flush rises to Callum’s cheeks.

This could be fun.

**  
Instead of getting Keegan to be his spy, he does his own detective work this time. Only he’s not focusing on Stuart right now, he’s keeping a close eye on Callum. He watches him leave from Stuart’s and follows him from there.

Seems he keeps himself to himself, lives alone in a flat and works in a restaurant in the city centre.

He’s still out to get Stuart, and he will, but now he thinks there’s a chance of some benefits in it for him he’ll make time for Callum, too. Knows the easiest way to get at Stuart is through Callum.

It just so happens Callum’s easy on the eye, and Ben’s thoughts are now not solely just in his head anymore. He’s probably wrong, wont pretend he wouldn’t be gutted if he was, but he thinks back to the way Callum’s cheeks flushed and that’s got to mean something, and so that’s what Ben uses to give him reason to watch him.

It’s Saturday night, Ben puts on his best shirt and aftershave and gives himself a once over in the mirror. “Ya gonna be alright on your own?”

Jay’s on the sofa, hand in popcorn and film on in the background. “Yeah, just make sure I’m sleeping before ya bring anyone back.”

“Who said anything about coming back here? Anyway, I’d probably still wake ya, men can’t seem to keep their mouths shut when I’ve got my hands on them.”

Jay rolls his eyes, throws popcorn at him. “Bye Ben.”

**  
He knows Callum’s got a few hours left of his shift so heads into the restaurant, orders a drink and sits in the corner. He sucks on a piece of ice from his drink until it melts, tries not to focus too much on what’s going on behind the bar and kitchen.

He sends off a few messages, he’s got a drugs deal in the morning, and even if he won’t be there, he wants it to go off without a hitch.

“What you doing here?” A panicked voice asks, towering over him.

Ben looks up at him, lips raising to one side and pointing at his glass. “I’m doing what everyone else seems to be doing in here,” Ben’s eyebrows raise. “Is there a problem?”

“I’m not stupid,” Callum huffs. “You never stepped foot in here before ya got involved with my brother and now… you just turn up.” Callum’s eyes widen for a minute, “how did ya know I worked here?”

“Call it a lucky guess,” Ben quips.

“Have ya been stalking me, or something?” Callum remains alarmed.

“I wouldn’t call it stalking,” Ben shrugs. “Just been keeping a close eye on ya,” Ben answers innocently.

“Why?” Callum swallows, looking around the restaurant. “I told ya I didn’t want any trouble.”

“I haven’t come here on business,” Ben replies, maybe a little lie. “Just pleasure,” he says softer, eyes focused on Callum’s plump lips.

He can tell Callum isn’t used to this, the intensity and danger. “Why here?” Callum frowns.

Ben makes Callum squirm a little longer before replying. “I must like what I see,” Ben says thickly, gulping down the rest of his drink. “Another?” He lifts the empty glass up towards Callum, “please.”

“You should leave,” Callum stares down at the glass, clearly affected by Ben’s words.

Ben rolls his eyes. “You sound just like your brother.”

“I ain’t nothing like him,” Callum shakes his head. Clears his throat, “ya don’t know us.”

“Good job I’m only interested in getting to know you then, init?” Ben lifts the glass again. “Have a drink with me?”

“I’m not-“ Callum licks his lips, voice low. “I ain’t gay.”

Ben’s eyes light up. “I didn’t ask you to suck my cock, Callum. It’s simply a drink,” he points at the empty chair on the other side of the table. “It’ll just be two bros chilling in a bar, five feet apart cause they’re not gay.”

It makes Callum smile, and Ben fucking loves it. Maybe its just the lighting above them, but Ben’s definitely going to aim for another smile before the end of the night. Ben looks down at his watch. “You’ve got fifteen minutes before you clock off, join me then.”

Callum just shakes his head in wonder, doesn’t bother to kick off about the fact he knows that, too. It should worry him, make him run for miles, but instead he’s nodding slightly and taking the glass from Ben. “Alright.”

**  
Callum’s changed in to jeans and a coloured jumper, some sort of alien type thing on the front and Ben hides his smile behind the drink Callum brought over with him.

“Relax,” Ben notices Callum’s tense shoulders, he’s got his back up. “Anyone would think I’d kidnapped ya.”

“I doubt they’d be surprised by that if they knew who you were,” Callum scoffs. His eyes fall on Ben. “How do you know my brother?” Callum asks, changing the subject.

Ben leans his shoulders on the table, his leg rocking up and down. “Doesn’t everyone on the dark side of London know your brother?” Ben taps his fingers against the table. “I know him through… acquaintances.” _And cause he hurt the only person I remotely care about._

“Why did he look ready to kill ya the other night?” Callum drinks from his bottle, wetting his dry lips. 

“Don’t think he can take a joke,” Ben shrugs. “Or maybe he’s just an homophobe. Your guess is better than mine.”

Callum doesn’t argue otherwise, he just messes with the label on his bottle, his forehead creased in a frown. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Ben looks out the window. “It’s not going to change who I am and I don’t give a shit about that bald headed-“

“I’m still his brother,” Callum cuts in, not here to listen to insults about his no good brother. “I don’t agree with his ways or the way that he thinks, but please, don’t alright?”

“Fine,” Ben reasons, “let’s talk about his sibling instead.”

Callum shakes his head, eyes wandering everywhere but at Ben. “I’m not interesting. There’s nothing to know.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Ben leans back in his chair. “I’d share the gory details about me, but it seems you’ve already made your mind up about me.”

“Well, are they true or not?” Callum leans in this time, now interested and pleased he’s avoided anything about himself.

“Some of it,” Ben admits, eyes focused on Callum. “I might do bad things, I might have been in prison, but there’s good in me, too.” Maybe he’s saying too much, his lips definitely feel too loose and he knows it because there’s a feeling deep inside that lets him feel safe enough to share this with Callum. A feeling he doesn’t know, a feeling he shouldn’t have already.

He’ll ignore it though, and he’ll only act on it if he needs to. He’ll keep his cards close to his chest and he’ll only tell Callum the things he wants to hear.

Either way, things feel as though they’re heading in the right direction.

**  
Callum reluctantly lets Ben walk him home. Most of it is in silence, but that doesn’t seem to matter.

“I suppose there’s no chance of inviting me in for a coffee,” Ben flashes a grin up at him and Ben’s done it, he’s made Callum smile again and it’s just as good to see it as it was earlier.

“Maybe another time,” Callum retrieves his keys. He suddenly feels shy, his eyes diverting down to the floor. “Ya not that bad after all,” Callum says quickly and quietly before glancing up and sharing a smile that matches Ben’s.

Ben’s phone goes off in his jacket, and he wants to curse so badly until he’s noticed it’s not the first time he’s missed a call from Jay. He answers quickly, “everything ok, mate?”

“You need to come back now. _What_ have you done?” Jay sounds panicked and annoyed and Ben runs into the direction of his without as much as a goodbye to Callum.

**  
Ben rushes in and his heart thumps harder when he sees the door on it’s hinges, windows smashed and the furniture inside all over the place. He steps over stuff to find Jay on the floor in front of the sofa, his arms across his chest and he’s in pain.

“What the fuck happened?” Ben kneels down, tries to take everything in but he can’t seem to focus.

“I told you to just move on,” Jay looks up at him, sadness in his eyes. “Why do you always have to make things worse?”

“I haven’t done anything!” Ben almost believes it himself. He knows this is his doing. He knows who’s responsible for this.

It seems neither of them are going to stop until the other gets the message.

“Whatever you have planned you have to leave it,” Jay pleads. “Imagine I weren’t here to stop them. Imagine how much worse all this is going to get if you don’t just stop.”

Ben’s face hardens. “I can handle Stuart. If he wants to fucking take this further then he can.”

“Are you not listening to a word I’m saying, Ben?” He breathes through the pain caused to him again. “How far will this go until you find me dead? Or worse, they kill you.”

“That wont happen,” Ben makes Jay look at him. “Please just trust me. If I tell ya everything, will ya please let me end this my way?”

Jay sighs, frustrated but he listens to Ben, protesting every once in a while until he realises it’s Ben’s way or the highway.

Ben decides Jay needs to stay somewhere else, so he speaks to a friend of a friend who’ll let him stay at theirs until things have sorted themselves out. He gives Jay enough money to get by and pay his way, before hugging him and clinging on when Jay gives in and hugs him back.

**  
He phones for his windows and door to be repaired. He’s half tempted to just remain in doors. Sit in waiting in case they come back, he wont hold back this time. He’ll have more than just Stuart’s blood on his hands.

He’s not going to do that, though. He’s not capable of waiting for trouble to come his way. He moves things on by demanding his masses get Stuart and take him to the abandoned warehouse in a secluded area just outside of East London.

He arrives a few hours later when he’s had confirmation that Stuart’s there. He’s blindfolded with his wrists tied together and Ben can tell he’s scared, he feeds off of it.

Without saying a word, he hits him twice in the gut. He reels in the way Stuart cripples over in pain. He hits him again, this time in the face, knocking him back and making him bleed. _Good_.

He wants to carry on, he also wants to shoot his brains out here and now, but there’s a bigger part of him that tells him to hold off from that. Instead he hops for leaving Stuart there all night and getting his kicks elsewhere. He tapes Stuart’s mouth back up and tells Keegan to keep a close eye on him and to phone if anything changes.

**  
He waits outside Callum’s, knows he won’t be long from work. He digs his fingers into the reddened and swollen knuckles of his right hand, he hopes Callum’s got ice, he also hopes Callum doesn’t notice. He’s not bothered about lying, he just crazily doesn’t feel comfortable about lying to Callum. Especially when it involves his own brother.

Callum arrives just a little later than expected, a bag and pizza box in hand. “You shouldn’t have,” Ben jokes, startling Callum, mouth full of chips.

“What ya doing here?” Callum swallows his food, awkward as ever.

“Was hoping for that coffee I was promised,” Ben smirks, nods towards the pizza. “And hopefully a slice of that.”

Callum looks down with a smile. “I never promised ya anything,” Callum corrects, but when he opens the door he leaves it open for Ben to follow him in.

It’s a nice little place, cosy and warm and everything Ben isn’t. He feels like he’s sticking out like a sore thumb. “Nice place,” Ben compliments.

“It’s nothing special,” Callum shrugs. “Ya want that coffee ya so desperately wanted?”

“I’m actually more of a tea person,” Ben laughs. “Got anything stronger?” 

Callum opens the fridge and opens a bottle of lager for Ben and then one for himself. They clink bottles before sitting down in the living room, pizza box opened and they take takes a slice each. “So relieved to see there’s no pineapple on here.”

Callum laughs, “definitely not.”

They just stay like that until they come to the last slice of pizza and they argue over who should have it. Callum’s the one who gets it in the end, Ben practically shoving the slice in his face.

“There’s no girlfriend then?” Ben asks, sipping from his bottle.

“What?” Callum splutters, almost choking. “What makes ya think that?”

“Well there’s no photos or evidence of a woman’s touch in here so I just guessed.” Ben turns slightly towards Callum. “Correct me if I’m wrong.”

“No, you’re right.” Callum wipes his mouth. “Prefer a simpler life.”

“Don’t we all?” Ben looks away, scratching his chin and he’d forgotten about his knuckles until Callum’s clocked them and he’s looking concerned.

“What happened?”

Ben stays quiet, but he can tell Callum’s not going to let him get away with the silent treatment. “Just a fight, its nothing.”

“Does it hurt?” Callum asks, so many bloody questions.

“Ya get used to it when you’re me,” Ben laughs.

“That’s not what I asked,” Callum sighs. “They look sore.”

Ben’s eyebrows lift, “ya can always kiss them better if you’re worried.”

“Shut up,” Callum swallows, and there’s that blush again. “Let me go and grab some frozen peas.”

“Thanks Dr Highway,” Ben rolls his eyes teasingly and chances a glance at his phone whilst Callum’s out the kitchen. There’s no news on Stuart, and Ben’s glad of it.

Callum returns with peas and two more bottles of lager. “Why do you do what ya do?” Callum asks none judgemental, maybe the tone of is voice is full of something more sincere with the look in Callum’s eyes is anything to go by.

Ben places the peas on his hand, winces slightly. He shrugs, “why do we do anything?” Ben mumbles, “I guess I just fell into the wrong crowd when I was younger and couldn’t get out of it.”

“What about your parents? Couldn’t they help?” Callum takes Ben’s silence as a ‘no go area’, so he shakes his head and looks away, “sorry, none of my business.”

Ben clears his throat. “My mums sperm donor was nothing but a waste of time,” he leaned back on the sofa, head falling back to look up at the ceiling. “I was always the black sheep of the family, so he really had good reason to hate me when I came out gay.” He pouts a little, deep in thought. “Mum met some new bloke abroad when I was little, haven’t seen her since.”

Callum mirrors Ben’s position and relaxes back into the sofa, head up to the ceiling. “My dad was a waste of space, too. Used to get heavy handed, ya know. Push Stuart about and that, but I was too young to do anything to help.” He takes a drink, he’s not used to being so open about his upbringing and he really didn’t think the one to make him comfortable enough to talk about it would be Ben Mitchell, but he carries on, deep in the moment. “Mum was great from what I can remember and then she got ill, passed away when I was twelve.”

Ben turns to look at Callum, “yet you’ve turned into a great guy.” He turns back. “Kind of explains ya brother, though.” 

“Yeah, it did mess him up,” Callum admits. “I try and get through to him, but he never listens.”

“He doesn’t deserve ya,” Ben thinks aloud. Ben’s not even playing games right now, he just wants to reach and touch, so he does. He lets his hand fall on Callum’s thigh, runs his hand up and down in soothing strokes until Callum moves away and gets to his feet.

“I’m tired now,” Callum licks his lips, eyes like Bambi. “You should get off.”

Ben sighs, “sorry, I didn’t mean-“

“Ben, _please_.” Callum moves to open the door for Ben, Ben just grabs his jacket and leaves.

Neither of them look at each other.

**  
Ben’s woke up on the wrong side of bed and he knows it’s because of last night. He’s annoyed because despite what he wants to to tell himself, he kind of genuinely likes Callum. That prospect his new to him, he’s not felt that safe and open with anyone. And even if he has acted like that with someone before, it was purely for his own gain, simply just to have sex and move on.

Callum feels different and its scaring him. He’s been in prison, faced some of the toughest men and a soft guy with blue eyes is the thing that scares him most. He’s got to laugh because he’s not sure what else he can do.

He tries not to think about it too much, tries not to think about Callum and how he’s messed up again.

He’s got something to deal with, something he supposes can’t wait much longer even if he wouldn’t care to leave Stuart alone in that warehouse until his last breath.

**  
Ben arrives to Stuart slumped over, eyes closed. He kicks his ankles to jolt him upwards, his eyes opening slightly against the light.

“Good morning, sir,” Ben welcomes, unhinged smile on his face. He pulls the tape off Stuart’s lips and pulls a wonky chair over to sit facing him. “Have a nice night?”

“Ya can’t keep me here forever,” Stuart huffs, “people will start questioning where I am.”

Ben laughs, “I doubt that.” He scratches his chin. “Anyway, seeing as ya didn’t answer my question I’ll tell ya about mine, shall I?”

“I don’t give a shit, Mitchell. Just let me go!”

“How rude,” Ben makes himself as comfortable as he can, leg folding over the other. “I spent my night with this gorgeous guy. Sea blue eyes, massive, strong thighs,” Ben pretends to drool. “Got a lovely little house, too.” Stuart just looks on, eyes dark and lips snarling. “Plasma on the wall, amazing lighting, leather sofa, perfect shade of greys and blacks.”

“Did you break into my brothers house?” Stuart tries to lunge forward, but the ties on his wrist mean he can’t get very far.

“No, I just leave that to you,” Ben’s face sets hard. “I was invited in. Can’t wait to do it again.”

Stuarts nostrils flare and all Ben can do is smirk, pleased with himself. “Stay away from my Callum.”

“ _Your_ Callum, is it?” Ben tuts, “possessiveness is never a good look.”

Ben knew he told himself not to think about Callum, but he can’t help it. He knows too that Callum will start to worry about where his brother is. “If I let ya go ya don’t breathe a word of this to anyone,” Ben stands. “Because next time, you won’t be so lucky.”

He doesn’t wait for Stuart to reply, instead messages his boys to let Stuart go in a few hours, just to let him sweat some more.

He must be going soft.

**  
It’s a few days later and everything’s weirdly quiet. He’d expected something to happen since letting Stuart go, but to his surprise nothing came.

Something bugs him, though. It’s in him now, that part of him that’s got ‘Callum’ written over it. He tries to forget about it by meeting some random guy, but it does nothing but make that bit inside stand out more. It’s telling him to act on it.

He’s used to punishment, he’s used to fighting hard battles. He just really hopes this one pays off.

Without another second spent thinking about it, he heads over to Callum’s.

**  
He’s glad he hasn’t had the door shut on his face when Callum answers and he sees who it is. He lets him in, hands clasped together and Ben knows he’s upset… angry.

“You lied to me,” Callum sounds winded and Ben’s instincts are telling him to comfort him, protect him. “Ya said you’d just been in a fight. When really, you’d kidnapped my brother and beat him!”

“He deserved it!” Ben stupidly argues back. “He broke into my home and hurt my bro.” Ben licks his lips, “and it wasn’t for the first time, alright? So yeah, I lied. But he deserved it, he deserved fucking worse, but I let him go.”

It all seems too much for Callum to take in. The fact Ben’s got a brother himself, the fact Stuart had in fact started all this, the fact Ben doesn’t deny any of it and just admits it all.

“He must want a death wish,” Ben punches a fist into his other hand. “I told him if he breathed a word then he’d be a dead man.” Ben’s eyes are wild, “he’s going to be sorry.”

Callum breathes harshly, shaking his head. “Have ya heard yourself? How ridiculous ya sound?” He rubs a hand over his face, “you’re no better than him, are you?” Callum sounds sad about it. “You act as if you’re so much better than him, when you aren’t. You’re just the same.”

“I’m nothing like _that_.” Ben argues, but Callum’s words have struck a chord now and he feels weak.

“Really?” Callum scoffs, cant believe what he’s hearing. “You both go around causing crime, hurting people. You’ve both got a brother ya try and protect. Only thing that’s different is that you’re gay and he’s not,” Callum breathes. “Thanks for that, too.” Callum mumbles, “making out to him that we did… stuff.”

Ben swallows, eyes closed and the realisation dawns on him. “I’m sorry, alright? I was angry-“

“I don’t want to see ya again,” Callum finalises. “I should have known from the minute I knew who you were that I should stay away, stupid me eh?”

“You’re not stupid,” Ben tries, stepping forward. “I shouldn’t have lied to ya. I’m the stupid one.”

“At least we can agree on one thing,” Callum points towards the door. “See yourself out.”

He turns the volume up on the tv to ignore Ben calling his name. When Ben finally gives up and leaves, Callum cries, and it feels like the tears have been a long time coming.

**  
Ben phones Jay, he doesn’t know what else to do. He hasn’t got anyone else to talk to. Normally that wouldn’t bother him, he’d just bottle it up inside until someone would piss him off and he’d take it out on them. He doesn’t seem to have the energy for that, all he wants now is a comforting voice telling him everything will be okay. 

“You’re an idiot, man,” Jay tells him. “I knew this wouldn’t work and now you’ve gone and fallen for his brother!”

“I haven’t fallen for anyone!” Ben bites back, “that’s not what I said.”

“Ya just said it Ben, just cause those words didn’t leave your mouth it doesn’t mean that’s not what you were trying to say.” Jay says softer, “he must be really nice for _you_ to like him.”

“Well it doesn’t matter now, does it? He hates me.”

This was the reason he didn’t do feelings. Why he didn’t let his guard down, show people the real Ben, the Ben only Jay saw.

“Go and speak to him again. When have you ever given up?” Jay pushes. “You’re gonna regret it if ya don’t.”

Ben smiles a little, Jay’s right, he never gives up.

**  
Ben waits for Callum at the restaurant, orders an orange juice because he doesn’t want this to be done with a drunken head on his shoulders, although he’d die for something stronger right now.

He nurses it, running his finger around the rim of the glass. He spots Callum a few times in the kitchen, gelled free hair tonight, his fringe resting against his forehead and it brings a smile out of Ben. He wasn’t sure it was possible, but he looks even sweeter than usual.

Callum’s serving a table close by when he spots Ben, his face drops and he looks around to who must be his manager before heading over to Ben. “I told you I didn’t want to see you again,” Callum says through his teeth. “Leave me alone, Ben.”

“I can’t,” Ben admits. “I know I don’t deserve your time, but please just give me five minutes when you’ve finished.”

Callum ponders before answering. “You’ve got two.”

When Callum returns he looks as if he’d rather be sticking pins in his eyes than be sat here with Ben. “Shouldn’t you be out planning someone’s murder, or something?”

“I save that for the weekends,” Ben jokes, but Callum doesn’t react and Ben suddenly feels stupid. “I’m joking.”

Callum shrugs. “I don’t care what ya do in your life.”

“I told my bro about ya,” Ben says it lightly, as if the words don’t carry so much meaning behind them, his fingers still running around the glass.

“Why?” Callum looks confused, the top of his ears burn pink and it makes Ben’s mouth water.

“Why’d ya think?” Ben finally takes a drink, looking away. “There’s something about you.” He looks up at Callum. “You _see_ me.”

Callum seems to understand where Ben’s coming from, his eyes turn soft and he looks conflicted. “I told you I ain’t like that,” Callum looks around. “I can’t be-“

“I know that,” Ben nods. “I’m not trying to force myself on to ya. I just needed you to know,” Ben smiles tightly. “Well, my times up.” Ben takes a final sip of his drink. “I’m sorry it had to end like this.”

Ben wasn’t sure what he expected, if he was honest. Was he supposed to feel better now? Because that niggling feeling inside him just made him want to punch everything insight. He was half way up the road before he was being pulled round by his wrist, his first thought was he was in the mood to fight, so if this was someone after him he was up for it.

Instead, Callum was looking down at him, breath short and hand tight around his wrist.

“I still don’t like you,” Callum breathed, stepping an inch closer and Ben tried to calm his heart rate. “And this definitely doesn’t mean anything,” Callum mumbled, his breath washing over Ben’s features.

Ben opened his mouth ready to reply, but Callum had beaten him to it. Callum pressed a soft kiss to his lips, unsure and nervously before pulling back slightly, a small smile reached his lips when Ben’s hand cupped either side of his face.

Callum leaned down again, eager and more confident this time. Fire deep in his guts, and he pulled at Ben’s waist until he couldn’t think properly, his mind turning into a blur.

It was the best feeling in the world. 


	2. Chapter 2

Callum’s hands are cold against Ben’s neck, but Ben’s never felt warmer. One minute they’re in the middle of an high street, then they’re in the back of a taxi, hands tucked under legs to stop the temptation to just grab and feel and never let go and then they’re in Callum’s,

Ben up against the door with Callum’s body pressed up against his like a magnet.   
“Am I really supposed to believe ya haven’t done this before?” Ben moans quietly, Callum’s mouth focusing on a weak part of Ben’s neck he never knew he even had. 

Stupid thing to say really, and Ben bites his tongue and sighs in frustration when Callum pulls away, suddenly disconnected. 

“I was joking, was a compliment.” Ben tries to smile through it, tries to push it away like it was nothing, but Ben can see Callum’s overthinking everything now. 

Callum licks his lips, arms conscious across his body and Ben wants to pull them away, because there really isn’t anything for Callum to be conscious about. “I don’t have to explain myself to you,” Callum huffs, but there’s a look in his eye that says otherwise. 

“I don’t want ya to,” Ben pushes himself off the door. “I didn’t really come here to talk.” Ben’s eyebrows raise, a smile like silk spreading across his lips and he grabs for one of Callum’s hands and places it under his t-shirt, his smile raising further when Callum’s hand moves unattended. “Take me upstairs?”

Callum leans in close, pulling off Ben’s jacket and letting it drop to their feet before nodding and pulling Ben up the stairs behind him by his t-shirt. 

**  
There’s foreplay and sex and then there’s this. Ben’s fingernails claw down Callum’s back, leaving long red marks that are still going to be there a week later, he’s sure of it. 

Callum had asked Ben if ‘everything was ok?’ and ‘is this good?’

Ben daren’t say it was the best feeling he’d ever experienced. He simply just kissed Callum and pulled him closer. 

His stomach was still in knots hours later. 

**  
Ben wasn’t sure what he’d expected the morning after. He’d woke to an empty bed, but assumed Callum was probably just in the shower, or downstairs making breakfast. Ben had actually just woken up to an empty house, it was like he’d dreamt last night. Only thing that made him not fear that, was the skin purpling on his neck from Callum’s mouth. 

Ben wouldn’t have cared, he’d done what Callum did enough times to know people just have one offs, a bit of fun. Last night felt more than just a quick fumble, like something you can just forget about the next day. It almost felt life changing. Ben definitely didn’t feel the way he did this time yesterday. 

His skin still tingled from Callum’s touch, he could taste Callum on his tongue, he couldn’t stop bloody smiling and he was almost positive Callum held him until he fell asleep, both of them in a state of bliss. 

He wasn’t going to read too much into it though, maybe Callum would be back in a bit. Ben entered the kitchen and put the kettle on. That’s when he spotted the note on the table; 

_Last night was a mistake. I want you gone by the time I’m back._

Ben scrunched up the note in his hand, the hurt and anger bubbling up inside him reached boiling point just in time for the kettle to have finished. He grabbed what must have been a spare key from the table and left.

He felt like keeping the key, just coming back when he wanted to speak to Callum, but he wasn’t going to turn into some love sick puppy who couldn’t take no for an answer. 

The heavens opened as he walked away, rain harsh and cold, but he welcomed it. It pretty much summed up his day so far.

If he wasn’t so full of pent-up anger he’d have noticed he wasn’t alone, and that his movements were been watched. 

**  
The whole thing about not being a love sick puppy wasn’t going down well, if Ben was totally honest with himself. It had been a week since sleeping with Callum and that sense of everything changing hadn’t disappeared. He still knew in his heart, that what they shared wasn’t meaningless. 

He did what he could to busy himself. He visited Jay for a day to catch up and try and feel normal again, spent every night with a different guy, worked his way into another drugs deal, even got himself into a number of fights, his lip cut and swollen.

None of mattered, though. None of it did what he wanted it to. 

He still had Callum circulating around his body. Despite himself, and going against what Callum had told him, he had to see him again. 

**  
There must have been an event or some kind of party in the restaurant, the walls draped in whites and reds with balloons set on almost every table. Ben definitely felt like he was prepared to crash said party if Callum wasn’t here, something like desperation bubbling inside him. 

He stood at the bar, trying not to focus solely on the activities going on behind the bar and into the kitchen, but Ben never did discreet. Something softer built inside him once he saw him coming out behind the bar. 

A smile on his face, all teeth and rosy cheeks. The fake angel wings on his back seemed appropriate for how Callum looked, bloody angelic and Ben’s insides flipped at the sight, smiling himself and wondering how he could have fallen for someone so precious. 

Callum turned after pouring his drink, his smile dropping once he spotted Ben on the other side of the bar. He looked flustered and annoyed, his teeth pulling harshly at his bottom lip, probably to stop himself from lashing out and losing his job there and then. He nodded towards the exit doors at the back of the building before going and Ben followed instantly. 

Ben had to wait a bit before Callum joined him, angel wings and pissed off face in tow. “I thought you’d got the message,” Callum breathes, face all serious and Ben can’t get passed how beautiful he looks and instead of answering him, he smirks up at him, eyes travelling up and down. “What?” Callum mumbles, shy and less pissed off now.

“I didn’t realise it was dress up,” Ben flicks at the wings. “I’d have put on some devil horns if I’d have known.”

Callum rolls his eyes. “Ya don’t need them. Everyone knows you’re devilish.”

Ben fakes pretend shock, his mouth pouting. “I can be a saint sometimes, too. Ya just have to catch me on a good day.” 

“Whatever,” Callum clears his throat, tries to ignore the way he wants to soften around Ben.

“Why are you here? I told ya what we did was a mistake,” Callum finishes quietly.

“I don’t believe you.” Ben says, closer now and he looks up at Callum softly. “I’ve tried to stay away, tried to forget, but nothings working.” Ben points to his temple, “you’re in here now and I don’t think you’re going anywhere anytime soon.” 

Callum stays quiet for too long, and Ben’s not sure what’s coming next. Callum’s eyes linger on Ben’s lips, “you’ve been fighting again.” 

“It comes with the job description,” Ben shrugs. “It’s nothing.” 

But Callum doesn’t seem to think so, he sighs and shakes his head. Eyes lifting to make eye contact, and the lights makes the purple around Ben’s eye stand out, too. “You do my head in,” Callum huffs.

Ben smiles a little. “You do mine in.” Ben presses a hand against Callum’s stomach in between them, fingers automatically clinging a little too tightly to the fabric. “Come back to mine?”

And Callum’s seemed to forget what he was so annoyed about, and why he was refusing himself this feeling after last time. He’s forgot it all because he’s nodding and smiling when Ben’s hand feels glued to his body. 

Ben sighs with relief, “bring the wings with ya.” 

**  
Just like Ben felt the first time he stepped foot in Callum’s, Callum feels a little out of place. It’s far more flash than his little place, it’s for too big for just one person and Callum wonders how lonely he must feel sometimes. 

Callum stands by the door, making sure to take off his shoes. Ben goes on ahead, and Callum feels like pulling him back, telling him to take his own shoes off, but he just bites his tongue to stop himself from sounding silly, eyes looking around the place trying to settle down. 

“I can go and grab us some food if you’re hungry!” Ben shouts from the living area, grabbing drinks from the fridge and putting on some music. 

“I’m alright” Callum smiles, still stood in the same place, hands together awkwardly, white fake wings in between. 

“Don’t look so scared. I’ve already had my wicked way with ya, you know what to expect.” Ben winks teasingly. 

“Oh, so you’re using me for sex?” Callum grins taking a beer from Ben. “Charming as ever.” 

“It’s been said,” Ben laughs lightly. He scratches the back of his neck, almost looks as awkward as Callum feels. “I’m not using ya for anything, though.” 

Callum swallows, feels a tingle down his spine. “I cant be what ya want,” Callum whispers, regretful. 

Ben shakes his head, a sad smile forming and he cups Callum’s cheek with his hand. “You already are.” 

“I-“

Ben’s sick of talking, trying to make sense of things. He’s sick of thinking, wondering why nothing make sense anymore than when he’s with Callum. He quietens Callum with a needy kiss, his fingers curling in the back of his hair and he pulls him in close, beer bottles and wings forgotten. 

The knock at the door makes Ben pull away with a groan. 

“Who’s that at this time?” Callum asks, looking flustered and a little startled. 

“Despite my many talents, I can’t see through doors, Callum.” Ben rolls eyes, pulling out a gun from the cabinet at the side like it’s a normal welcoming. 

Callum’s eyes widen, eyes dropping to Ben’s hand. “I don’t think there’s any need for that, is there?” Callum steps back slightly. 

“I’m not taking any chances” Ben says, voice a little too harsh. “Just go into the bedroom,” Ben waves a hand towards one of the doors behind them. 

There’s another knock, harder and louder this time and Callum wants to pull Ben away from it, something unsettling bubbling in his gut. Ben just pushes Callum further away, he’s got this. 

He takes the chain off the door before opening the door slowly, he keeps his foot closely to keep it just ajar, but the force from the other side takes him by surprise and before he can act on it, he’s knocked to the floor. One whack, two, the wood from a bat connecting to his ribs and then there’s a swing towards his head, he blocks the incoming impact as much as he can, but it doesn’t come. 

Callum’s pushing the intruder to the ground, he stays as strong as he can and pulls the balaclava off the persons head, his heart dropping even further when he sees who it is. 

“Stuart,” he stumbles over his words, pulling away quickly and tuning back to Ben. 

He’s crippled in pain, groans escaping him every few seconds and Callum’s so out of his depth, he doesn’t know what to do. “I’ll phone an ambulance,” Callum says as calmly as he can, hand soothing on his back. 

Ben doesn’t even have it in him to protest, his breathing laboured. 

“St-Stuart- you’re a dead-“

“Ben, please. Just concentrate on your breathing,” Callum bites on his bottom lip worryingly. He looks back at Stuart. “Get out. I don’t want ya near me.” 

Stuart looks between them, the way Callum’s hand strokes up and down Ben’s arm slowly, the way tears start to roll down his face, his panic not subsiding. Realisation falls on Stuart’s face, the bat dropping from his hand and making it thud to the floor. He shakes his head.   
“Ya can’t be serious, Cal.” Stuart attempts to come closer, Callum moving his back to him, protecting Ben. “He’s confusing you! You’re not-“ 

Flashing lights and sirens come to a stop outside Ben’s, and it’s enough to make Stuart pick up the bat and scarper. 

Callum just focuses on Ben, wishes that all this is just a nightmare. 

**  
Ben’s got a few broken ribs, he’ll live and he’ll no doubt go through worse, but Callum doesn’t want him to have to go through anything else. He doesn’t want his body damaged over and over again until there’s nothing left, until one day it goes too far and someone’s having to plan his funeral. 

He’s not really sure why he’s thinking like this, why he cares so much. All he knows is, he can’t go through that feeling and fear again, he can’t see Ben like that. It seems the thought of a life without Ben is excruciating and something he doesn’t have to deal with. 

He’s ignored every phone call from his brother. He doesn’t want to give him the benefit of the doubt anymore, he doesn’t want to forgive and hope he’ll change. This was the final straw. He’s had to live without Stuart in his life before, he knows he can manage, despite what his older brother thinks. He doesn’t need him. 

What he needs is Ben. 

**  
Ben looks far too good for someone with broken ribs. He winks and grins when Callum’s able to come and see him. “Now do ya see why I answer the door with a gun?” Ben smirks, but Callum looks at him with an apologetic face and fresh tears in his eyes. “Hey, I’m fine.” Ben takes Callum’s hand in his, adores the way Callum squeezes his fingers like he’s never going to let go. 

“I hate him. I hate him so fucking much for this,” Callum breathes harshly. 

“He’s still your brother,” Ben says as calmly as he can, ignores the thoughts of just ending his life when he had the chance. 

“Do ya think that matters? It doesn’t,” Callum shakes his head. “I won’t forgive him for this.” 

“I’m sure he’s done worse,” Ben swallows, trying not to read too much in to this, but it’s hard. Callum’s looking at him like he’s giving him the oxygen to breathe. “I’ve done worse,” Ben says dumbly. 

“Not what I want to hear,” Callum scoffs, but bites down a smile. “I don’t care about anything else. All I know is- I don’t want to go through that again.” 

Ben looks up at him, eyebrows rising. “Sounds as if you’re sticking around.”   
Callum holds his gaze, let’s out a shaky breath. “I know what I said before. I know I’ve got a long way to go with things, but I do know I don’t want to live without ya.” 

“Are ya saying what I think you’re saying?” Ben tries to sit up, move closer, but Callum gives him a warning look and instead Callum sits on the bed next to him, smiles down at him. 

“I ain’t promising ya everything at once. But yeah, I think I’m saying what ya think I’m saying.” Callum laughs lightly, his head light and this is madness. 

Ben lifts his hand to Callum’s cheek, and Callum can’t help but kiss his palm, smiles into it and breathes him in. “I really fucking like you,” Ben says a little too loudly, even a nurse stops to grin at them. 

“You are alright,” Callum shrugs, before leaning in close and kissing Ben without a care in the world. 

**  
It’s six months later and Callum hasn’t seen or heard from Stuart since and that’s just the way he decides to keep it. 

Jay’s moved back with Ben, and he’s not the only one who’s moved in. Ben had Callum moving in with him a few weeks after coming out of hospital, but it wasn’t a big deal apparently. 

Callum had told Ben he didn’t want him to change for him, didn’t expect it. He had got with him knowing the risks, he knew all the bad stuff. Ben told him he didn’t want that life anymore. He had so much better now, he had reason to want a good and decent life now. Callum couldn’t hide his happiness. 

Callum calls Ben his boyfriend first. Says it whilst he’s moaning about picking up Ben’s dirty laundry from the bathroom, he pretends to not have said it, but it’s too late. Ben teases him for hours about it, before calling Callum his boyfriend. 

Ben says ‘I love you’ first on his birthday. Callum planning a surprise holiday away, just the two of them, and Ben still doesn’t understand how he’s deserved all this. He doesn’t deserve Callum and he tells him as such every single day. 

Truth is, they both saved each other from a life full of self hatred. 

They had a long way to go, but they had each other now and they were finally happy and ready to live their lives the way they were both scared to do before. 


End file.
